Vacationing with the Cullens
by Achaya
Summary: One human, four vampires, one world, hundreds of thousands of dollars. Wreaking havoc on an unsuspecting world is the Cullens' speciality. Africa, California, the Mall of America and Europe. Rated T for some language and Emmett&Rose.
1. California: Horseback Riding in Redwoods

**Vacationing with the Cullens: Riding in the redwood forests**

"Edward, I don't think this is such a good idea!" I shouted as I tried to hang on.

"Nonsense! Now come on, Emmett and Rosalie are beating us!" he said, and went even faster up the hill. The woods around us bounced, jarring into a brown and green blur.

"Edward…" I croaked. He turned around, worry in his eyes. "I don't feel too good." He sighed, and pulled up. He lifted me up, and held me in one arm while he steered.

"Bella, I know you don't feel good, but we can't let Emmett and Rose win. They'll never let us live it down!"

"At least this one moves smoother," I moaned. He smiled.

"Just look at me, and maybe you'll feel better," he suggested. I smiled. Yeah, that helped.

"You know, this isn't comfortable. The horn is digging into my back," I whispered.

"Would you prefer I got an English-style? You would be even more uncomfortable. Silly Bella," he murmured into my ear, and kissed the top of my head.

"I feel better," I sighed.

"No way. I'm not letting you back off. You'll just fall off," he laughed. I looked up, and looked back down at Edward.

"I'm _never_ letting you take me horseback riding again," I groaned.


	2. THE MALL OF AMERICA

**Vacationing: Part two: a.k.a, THE MALL OF AMERICA**

"Come _on, _Bella! We have to go in! You have no choice!" Alice had dragged me into the dreaded mall. Not just any mall. _The Mall of America_. And now, now she wanted to drag me into a _Victoria's Secret_!

"Bella! If you _ever_ want to get past first with Edward, you've got to get something besides that ragged old tee shirt. Besides, we're going to Paris next! The city of love! Now come _on_!" Using her vampire strength, she succeeded in pulling me into the store.

I glanced helplessly back at Edward, who looked mortified. Emmett was laughing, doubled over and leaning on a bench. Rosalie was already in the store.

"Bella, I've got enough lingerie, so I'm going to help you," Alice said cheerily. I would rather not describe the rest of what went on in that store.

Alice dragged me – literally all around the mall. I knew Rose and Alice were having fun – but you know me and shopping. Not good. Alice loaded me up with sexy lingerie, new shoes that were sure to kill me and clothes that would give Charlie a heart attack.

-------------------------------------**Edward's POV**-----------------------------------

Oh my God. I'm going to have to kill Alice and Emmett. Hmm, Emmett wanted to go to a sporting goods store. Perfect for revenge. Alice, however, Alice would be difficult.

_God. Edward's gonna kill Alice. I guess I should stop laughing, but—_Emmett thought. Hee hee. I know Emmett's one weakness—he hates worms. And I'll be in the fishing aisle—just waiting.

--------------------------**Later, in the hotel room**----------------------------

**Bella's POV **

"No Alice! I'm not coming out!" I yelled at the door. It was almost midnight, and we were finally back from shopping. Emmett had come screaming out of the sporting goods store, covered in rubber worms, screaming, and being chased by the manager.

"Come on, Bella! It's not that bad!" Alice shouted.

"NO!"

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"Yes!"

"_NO!" _

"YES! I ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE, NOW _GET OUT HERE!_"

"Is Edward in there?" I squeaked.

"Duh, Bella."

"Emmett?"

"No. Rose is keeping him…busy." I flushed.

"Bella, _I _already know what you look like. Come on out." Okay, I had thought it wasn't possible to be any redder than I already was. Apparently, I was wrong. And Alice had dumped all my other pajamas—leaving me with only the Victoria's Secret lingerie. Shudder.

"NO! I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN SEE ME IN HER HEAD, I'M NOT COMING OUT!"

As you can imagine, this went on for quite a while. All night, in fact. I was lucky to be able to get on the right plane in the morning. Edward, being Edward, got me on, though. I was almost asleep, leaning on his shoulder.

"You know," he whispered, "_I _thought you looked quite lovely last night. However…"

"However what?" I mumbled.

"Finding a way to get back at Alice would certainly keep us busy. It'll be a long plane ride."

"I'm up!" Edward glanced over at Rose. She winked and leaned over to whisper something in Emmett's ear. He perked up considerably.

"When do we start plotting?" I said eagerly.

"Not until after takeoff. Rose is going to keep Emmett…busy again."

"Busy how?" I asked suspiciously.

He sniggered. "Mile High Club busy." Again, redder than I ever thought possible.

"Don't you dare tell me what they're doing in there," I warned him.

After waiting what seemed like a long while, we finally took off. Edward grinned, and looked over at me. "Okay. We take revenge on Alice. Her Gucci handbags…"

**TO BE CONTINUED…..MWHAHAHAHA. HA. **


	3. REVENGE OF THE EVIL VAMPIRE

**REVENGE OF THE EVIL VAMPIRE………**

**Bella's POV **

"Hmm, yes. The Gucci. The new stuff?" I asked. "Mmmhmm. Okay, here's what we're going to do…"

After a while, I lost track of what he was saying. He kept changing everything. I think Rose is just going to dump them in a sewer or something. Like I said, I'm not sure.

**A few hours later………. **

I was having the most wonderful dream. An angel (Edward) was carrying me through the streets of Paris, laughing. Of course, an angry angel (Alice) was chasing us. Screaming something about her new ruined handbags, and how she was never taking me shopping again. Oh, wait. That wasn't a dream.

We reached an alleyway where Emmett and Rosalie were hiding. We made it look as though we were trapped. Edward turned around, both of us with a carefully rehearsed horrified look plastered on our faces.

"Ha! Now I've got you! Now, where's Rose?" Alice crowed. She glanced around, hoping to see the destroyer of the Gucci.

"I'm right here!" Rose shouted gleefully. Of course, she shouted it while falling on top of Alice. Emmett followed her, and they pinned her down.

Edward let me down, and I walked around a fuming Alice. I stopped at her head.

"Who's got who now?" I laughed. "This is what you get! Ha!"

"NOOOO! YOU KILLED MY GUCCI! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!" she yelled.

**Alice's POV……… **

I sat in the hotel room. Plotting, of course. Now, what would torture Edward the most…well, humanely torture. Ah ha! I've got it!

**More to come later. ……… **

**SPECIAL PREVIEW!!!!!!!!!! **

_Edward grimaced, as though in actual pain. He clutched his ears, finally screaming, "Make it stop! Make it stop!" _

**Hee hee. I'm evil. HAPPY HALLOWS EVE!**


	4. Revenge of a DIFFERENT evil vampire

**Revenge of a DIFFERENT evil vampire**

**Alice's POV**

"Edward, come on! Bella will be fine with Emmett and Rose, let's just _go_!" I yelled, dragging him along by the hand. I was taking him to a music exhibition—where my plan for revenge would take place.

"It's not Bella I'm worried about," he muttered.

"You'll be fine," I said as I rolled my eyes. Of course, this was a lie.

"Okay, Alice. Let me hear this new band you've been raving about," he said sarcastically.

"Okay, here," I said, handing him the headphones. While he wasn't looking, I popped out the opera CD, and slipped in a new rap CD. He slid the headphones on, and I pressed the play button.

After a moment, his eyes snapped open. A few more seconds, and he clutched his ears—with the headphones attached with superglue. He vainly tried to yank them off. Edward grimaced as though in actual pain. He clutched his ears again, finally screaming, "Make it stop! Make it stop!"

A few hours later, back in the hotel, he and Bella had finally succeeded in removing the headphones. Of course, I had plotted revenge on Bella, too—Rose had taken her to a salon, where they had 'accidentally' bleached her hair—and then dyed it a bright, pillar box red. She glared at me from across the room. Uh oh. That look of revenge was in her eyes.


End file.
